Chips y Salsa

So, if you didn't know, I coach a high school soccer team. Today, after our game, we visited a local McRestaurant. The workers did a great job of handling 30 high schoolers and had us out in no time. When we were walking out, the manager decided to get a little cocky:

McManager: I cleared all of my tickets.

Coach H: Yeah, you guys are really efficient.

Spanish Soccer Player: Oh yeah, try doing that AND serve chips and salsa.

Coach H: Ole!

Funny Friday

The first story came from a brilliant student in my first period story.

7th Grade Student: My first mind told me when I woke up that I shouldn't come to school today.

An Intrigued Mr. H: What did your second mind say?

7th Grade Student: My second mind told me to get up because my mama is bringing me to school.

Mr. H: And your 3rd mind?

7th Grade Student: I told my 2nd mind to shut up.

Story #2:

As a 7th Grade Student was walking into another teacher's class between classes, she yawned and made a "yawn" sound.

Mr. H: Hey, be quiet! (In a joking manner.)

7th Grade Student: Be quiet Mr. H, I'm yarning.

Mr. H: You're yarning? It's called yawning.

7th Grade Student: Whatever, it's the same thing.

Baby Food

I've got a good one from a different teacher this time...her name will be Mrs. Moneybags. She was in class explaining that one of her daughters is pregnant with twins, and that's where we pick up:

Mrs. Moneybags: My daughter is pregnant with twins.

7th grade student: Does she have to eat baby food to feed the babies?

Mrs. Moneybags: (I'm paraphrasing) hahahahahahahahahaha.

Patience, Daniel Son

I've had a lot of fellow teachers offering stories for the blog...They're all good, but I can only remember a few...Here's another wonderful exchange in Mr. Poop's room:

Mr. Poop: What types of martial arts are practiced in Japan?

7th Grader: karaoke

...genius...

Gender is Key

Alright, so the guest speaker was again in my room on Thursday. She was talking to my kids about the danger of online "friends"...stating that you don't need to talk to anyone you don't know, etc. About this time, one of my 7th graders raised their hand and laid this jewel on us:

7th grade student: My cousin was talking with a 15 year old on-line and drove to Tennessee to meet her. She turned out to be a man.

Alone, this is a funny statement, but if you knew the kid it would be that much better.

based vs. basted

This one came out of nowhere:

7th grade student: Is this video basted on a true story?

Mr. H: Yes?

Tigger vs. Trigger

Ok, so this week both myself and Mr. Poop have a guest speaker in our rooms speaking on how students can properly deal with stress and anger. This happened today in Mr. Poop's room:

Guest Speaker: What is a trigger?

7th grade student: It's like a tiger with a springy tail.

Guest Speaker: Excuse me?

7th grade student: You know, like Pooh Bear.

Guest Speaker: uh, no that's a Tigger.

Mr. Poop Story

Ok, so I was told this one a time ago, but never got around to putting it on the blog:

Mr. Poop: My family is German.
7th Grade Student: Does that mean you're not white?

Synonym vs. Homonym

Well, this little dandy comes straight from my classroom. Today we were talking about the powers given to the different branches of government. Well, when we began talking about creating laws, the following conversation ensued:

Mr. H: When a bill gets to the desk of the President, he can either sign the bill and make it a law or???
7th grade student: repo it!
Other 7th grade student: no, it's retoe it.
Mr. H: Actually, it's veto it...repo is what happens when you don't pay your car payment. retoe...well, no one has ever used that word before; unless your toe fell off and you put it back on. retoe.

You're Welcome.

Geography

This story comes from one of my fellow teachers...his alias will be Mr. Poop.

Mr. Poop's class was talking about Japan in class.

7th grade student: Mr. Poop, where is the Great Wall of China?

The Weatherlady Stories

Ok, so I was told these two stories today by a fellow teacher...we'll call her "weatherlady".

Student walks to teacher's desk: Can I go to the office, I need to talk to the Canadian.
Weatherlady: You need to talk to who?
Student: A Canadian.
Weatherlady: Why do you need to talk to a Canadian?
Student: Because my locker is stuck, and I need them to open it.
Weatherlady: And you need to talk to a Canadian?

...needless to say, the student meant custodian.

This next story might be the best on the sight...as told to me by Weatherlady.

Announcement on the intercom: Students, be sure to bring in supplies for Haiti. We're taking up diapers, etc.
7th grade student: Who is Haiti? and why is she pregnant?

Wow...you just have to laugh.

The Complexities of Marine Life

The very first question I was asked to day by a 7th grade student before 1st period started:

7th Grade Student: MR. H, can fish drown?


...I don't think there's anything else to say.

Existence

While talking with my kids today about George Washington being sworn in as our 1st President, one of my darlings had this gem:

7th grade student: Mr. H, I don't think George Washington existed.
Mr. H: Why?
7th grade student: Well, how do we know he lived. We don't have pictures or anything.
Mr. H: Well, we have signed documents, journals, and numerous paintings of him.
7th grade student: Well, I believe that Abraham Lincoln lived, but not George Washington.

Numbers are Confusing

So, in class today, we talked about influences on the writers of the U. S. Constitution. One influence was the Magna Carta. When I told my students that the Magna Carta was written in 1215, I got the following responses:

7th grade student: Mr. H, I didn't realize there was a year 1215.
Mr. H: What? How do you think we got to the year 2010?
7th grade student: I don't know.

While discussing this in another class, I got this response:

7th grade student: Mr. H, when do the years end?
Mr. H: What?
7th grade student: You know, when will we run out of years?
Mr. H: When the earth stops spinning.
Another 7th grade student: What is the highest number?
Mr. H: There is no highest number. You can always add one to any number.
Another 7th grade student: What about 100 trillion?
Mr. H: 100 trillion and one. You can always add one.
Another 7th grade student: What about
Mr. H: YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD ONE!


We also talked about the United States having a bicameral legislature. I asked the students what the prefix bi- means...I got this response:

7th grade class (almost in unison): bisexual!

I've decided that the 7th grade mind is something that can barely be defined...