Location, Location, Location

Hope everyone's having a happy holidays...Here's a little funny for you.

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, how far away is the United States from Decatur?
(I teach in Decatur, Alabama)

Mr. H: 10 miles.

Dates are Confusing

One of my students wanted to write a pass to the office...

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, what's today's date? The twenty-tenth? Wait a minute, that's not even a date, is it?

Mr. H:...

Getting Fixed Up

A student saw a picture of my dog on my desk. This happened next:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, your dog and my dog could make some pretty puppies.

Mr. H: Umm ok. Well, she's fixed, so it wouldn't really work.

7th Grade Student: That's ok, my dog's gay anyways.

Birf Control

Every Friday, my classes watch a short news segment tailored to middle schoolers. I believe it readies them to watch the news and be more involved with their community...anyway. This particular Friday, the news began talking about the world's population reaching 7 billion. They pointed out that the highest fertility rate in the world was in Africa. It was also said that these people are among the poorest in the world, so that causes a challege for the people. One of my students made an important point:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, it ain't they fault that they havin' so many babies...they ain't got no trojans down there.

Mr. H: What? Wait...don't repeat that.

Colonies vs. Countries

My class was taking a test today. This test covered the writing of the Declaration of Independence to the U. S. Constitution. This particular test had a question: What two states did not ratify the U. S. Constitution? The answers are North Carolina and Rhode Island. As I was walking around the room, I saw that one of my new favorite student wrote North Carolina and Korea. I gave her a bit of a hint...Korea is another country. I told her that these answers had to be one of the original 13 colonies. Her reply was one of "Oh, now I get it!" I walked away assuming that I had righted her wrong. I was wrong. I strolled by a few minutes later to see that she had changed her answer: North Carolina and Canada. Fail.

Closing Time, Eh?

This one came out of nowhere today:

7th Grader: Mr. H, does Canada close at 9:30?

Royal Mama Drama

In class, we've been talking about different types of governments. This happened:

7th grader: What happens if the queen dies?

Mr. H: Her son or daughter will take over.

Another 7th grader: Is her grandson the one that got married this summer?

Mr. H: Yes. William and Kate

7th grader: You talking about the one with all them kids?

Homophones Gone Bad

My class is currently studying Spain/Portugal. Tuesday, the students were labeling and coloring a map of the region. This random question was asked:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, is lesbian the capital of Portugal?

Mr. H: Umm...no, it's Lisbon. Moving on...

Really Fake Zombies

On Fridays, my students watch a student news video that reviews the world news of the week. Most episodes are about 10 minutes long, with the first 9 minutes being serious stuff. The last minute is usually a funny or cool news story to lighten the load of the first 9 minutes.

Well, this particular funny story involved a march in San Diego (I think). The participants in the march were dressed as, and acted like, zombies. One of my students asked me this question:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, are those real zombies?

Mr. H: Yes?

Road Tripping

One of my favorite students from last year called me over to his lunch table today. The rest, as they say, is history:

8th grade student: Mr. H, I'm gonna need you to pray for me.

Mr. H: Why is that?

8th grade student: Because I'm going out of the country this weekend.

Mr. H: Oh. Where are you going?

8th grade student: Atlanta...I'm going to a Brave's game.

Mr. H: (Breaks into laughter)

Welcome Back!

Well, yesterday was the first day back to school. You know, the day were you go over the usual rules, procedures, and expectations. While doing this, I came to a board in my room the explained the activities for the week. On Thursday we were taking a citizenship test. We were doing this to show the 7th graders that if they had to take the citizenship test to become U. S. citizens...they couldn't pass. I was explaining that if you were born in the U. S. or one of its territories, you don't have to take the test because you are a native-born citizen. This ensued:

Mr. H: If you were born in Alabama or Viriginia or any state in the United States, you don't have to take this test. However, if you were born in Canada, Egypt, Mexico, France, England...

(7th grader raises her hand)

7th Grade Student: Chicago?

It's going to be a loooonnnnng year. Welcome back to the blog:)

Maps and Games

I have a map in my room of Alabama. It's a simple map with the larger cities marked, rivers, and counties. A 7th grader wondered:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, is that a map of Alabama's 50 states?


In the same class, the same student had another moment of brilliance. We were playing a review game for our final exam. If the students answered a question correct, they got to putt a golf ball. Seems simple:

7th Grade Student 1: Oh, Mr. H, next time can we play crochet?

Mr. H: Croquet?

7th Grade Student 1: Oh Yeah!

7th Grade Student 2: I love to crochet!

7th Grade Student 1: Wait a minute...Isn't crochet when girls get their hair done?

Mr. H: Yeah, that sounds about right.

George, Babies, and the Digestive System

Today's first story comes from Mrs. Birday...science teacher at the school. While talking about the digestive system in class, the following mental giants spoke up:

7th Grader: Mrs. Birday, can you throw up a baby?

Another 7th Grader: Mrs. Birday, can you take a shower when you're pregnant...cause your water can break.


A 7th grader had a moment of genious in my room today, too:

7th Grader: Mr. H, George Washington and George Bush...those are two different people, right?

Selling Out

Sitting in class yesterday and this happens:

7th Grader: Mr. H, don't you have to have a license to sell things out of your house?

Mr. H: Well, if you make a certain amount of money selling you need a license.

Another 7th Grader: Even if you're selling drugs?

Mr.H thinking to himself: Yes. Please go to the courthouse and ask for a license to sell drugs...you deserve to do that to yourself.

GoDog

Crazy Random:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, What religion to you have to be to have a ghost?

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, My dog has ADHAD. He just runs around in circles all day.

Weekend Funnies

A few one liners from the 7th Graders:

7th Grade Student: I don't like bacon, but I love bacon bits...

7th Grade Student: I live in Chicago and swim to school every day...

From the Mr. Poop archives:

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, why don't they get that bear to go to Texas and stop those wildfires?

Get Fired Up

While watching a video on Texas wildfires in Mr. Poop's class, a 7th grade scholar had this to say:

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, why are they spraying those trees with water?

Mr. Poop: They're on fire. They're trying to put them out.

7th Grade Student: Water will put out a fire?

Mr. Poop: Uggg...

Randoms

A few random comments from yesterday's class:

News video: Who was the first person in space?

7th Grade Student: Lance Armstrong! (For those who care, it was actually Yuri Gagarin)


In another class:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, my brother picks on me because I wash my hands.

Turtle Painter

From the geography teacher, Mr. Poop:

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, how did a turtle paint the Sistine Chapel?

Mr.Poop: What?

7th Grade Student: They said he had to lay on his back to paint it. That kills a turtle.

Mr. Poop: No it doesn't and a turtle didn't paint the Sistine Chapel. It was Michelangelo.

7th Grade Student: Well why did his parents name him after a Ninja Turtle?

An Ocean of Knowledge

My class watches a current events news show on Fridays. This particular segment dealt with the disaster in Japan. The reporter showed how a particular aircraft carrier was using water from the sea, through a sprinkler system, to hose down the ship. This happened next:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, where do they get the water to run those sprinklers?

Mr. H: Well, they're in the ocean, so they probably suck it up from there.

7th Grade Student: But what do they do if the suck up all the water?

Mr. H: What?

moon or moons?

Talking about the super moon...

7th grade student: Do each state have its own moon?

Mr. H: Gees.

El Beatles

From the P files:

While the students worked on mean, median, and modem Mr. Poop played the Beatles' White Album.

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, what kind of music is this?

Mr. Poop: It's one of the best bands ever, the Beatles.

7th Grade Student: I didn't know they were Mexican.

Mr. Poop: They're not...

7th Grade Student: Then why are they singing in Spanish?

Mr Poop: They're not...

Color Blind

Another story from the Mr. Poop files:

7th Grade Student: If you color blind, you can't see colors.

Mr. Poop: That's right...what does that have anything to do with this?

Student: You can still see numbers if you're color blind.

Mr. Poop: Even if the numbers are colored?

Student: Yup, color don't matter.

Valley Reality

So we had some bad weather in the area today, and I reminded my kids what we do for a tornado drill...

Mr. H: There's some bad weather in the valley today, so if there's a tornado warning, we go in the hall and sit facing the wall.

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, you know how where we live, they call it the Tennessee valley and the heart of the valley?

Mr. H: Yes...

7th Grade Student: Where's the hidden valley?

Mr. H: Really?

7th Grade Student: That's not a real place, is it?

Mr. H: No.

New Animals, Etc.

So this came from Mr. Poop's classroom. He is a geography teacher, who apparently began talking about Africa in class recently. This came from the middle school mind/mouth:

Mr. Poop's Powerpoint: Africa has a lot of animals; lions, elephants, hippos, etc.

7th Grader: Mr. Poop, what's type of animal is an etc.?

Temporarily Permanent

While in class yesterday, a student got the wild hair to put chalk dust from the chalk tray on his face.

Mr. H: Why did you put chalk on your face?

7th Grader: I wanted to look like a football player.

(I now feel compelled to tell you that this student is male, about 4 feet tall, and weighs in at about 75 pounds.)

Mr. H: Ok, I guess.

7th Grader: Mr. H, is this chalk permanent?

A HA!

Ok. So, today class was about the census. While discussing how a country's population can grow, we talked about how the number of people born vs. the number of people dying equals either an increase or decrease in your population. This was a difficult concept for most of my students to get, thus making me reteach this over and over again. Finally, one of my students got it and you could almost see the light bulb come on in his head. Next:

Mr. H: Wow, it's like the room got brighter back here. (The students looked at me not getting my obvious reference to the light bulb) You know, like the light bulb came on in his head...like in the cartoons.

7th graders (almost in unison): Oh!

Mr. H: Ok, glad you got that. (The class then continues for a few minutes..then this happens)

7th grade student: Mr. H, do we really have a light bulb in our head?

Ailments

Well, we're back to school after a holiday break and basically a week off of school for snow/MLK day. Today, we were reading the newspaper in class. When the students were finished reading, they were to write a review of an article and then fold their papers back up. I had one student that didn't exactly jump on the whole fold your newspaper back up bandwagon. This is what happened:

Mr. H: Ok 7th grader, fold your newspaper up.

7th Grader: I can't...I'm claustrophobic.

Mr. H: What does that have to do with folding your paper?

7th Grader: Oh, I mean I've got arthritis.