Culturally Illiterate

Well, my classes were in the library today doing some research on the Presidents...I was explaining to them that if you're looking in an encyclopedia, you search by a person's last name. Then this happened:

7th grade student: What is Obama's last name?

Mr. H: Obama.

Poor vs. Poe

Ms Manuscript used the daily grammar warm-up to introduce the readings of Edgar Allen Poe. After students had offered the various corrections in capitalization, punctuation and word usage, everyone decided all of the errors had been identified, when one student timidly raised her hand.

Ms. M: Yes?

8th Grade Student: There is one more correction Ms. M.

A bit perplexed, Ms. M waited a moment and then asked what remaining correction was needed.

8th Grade Student: You need a verb - it should be Edgar Allen was Poe, you can't say he was poe without a verb.

really... yes, really!

Mr./Mrs. Air Force One

We're talking about/watching a video about Air Force One yesterday...

7th Grade Student: Is it a girl or a boy?

Mr. H: Is what a girl or a boy?

7th Grade Student: Air Force One.

Mr. H: It's an airplane.

7th Grade Student: (Blank Look) So is it a girl or a boy?

Infinite Infants

This happened in my 1st period today. Let me preface this with the fact that vocabulary is important. Learn a word a day.

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, what does infinite mean?

Mr. H: Something that goes on forever...never ending.

7th Grade Student: Oh.

Another 7th Grader: So, what does infinite mean?

Another another 7th Grader: It's a small baby.

Life vs. Death

Classic.

7th grade student: Mr. H, did you know that every President that isn't alive today has died?

Mr. H: Yes?

Origins

While talking about slavery, the question of where the term "African-American" came from was asked. After explaining the answer, this was asked by a brilliant 7th grader:

7th Grader: Mr. H, where do Caucasians come from? Caucasia?

The Complexities of Religion

Another story from Mr. Poop:

Mr. Poop: What is the goal of Buddhism?

7th Grade Student: To get to Nevada!

Mr. Poop: Nirvana?

The Afterlife

Another gem from Mr. Poop:


7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, did you know some people don't believe in H-A-L?

Me: I'm sorry?

Student: You know like when you die. You can either go to Heaven or H-A-L.

Wow.

You've Got to Play it Safe Around Electricity

This little ditty is a product of Mr. Poop's classroom:

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, if I plug an extension cord into itself, will it power its own self?

Mr. Poop: Yeah, why don't you try that one at home...


This story occurred in my class yesterday:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, your markers are cricket.

Mr. H: What?

7th Grade Student: They're cricket.

Mr. H: Crooked?

7th Grade Student: Yeah. (Dejected)

Parts is Parts

This wonderful story was told to me by...Mrs. Tulip.

Mrs. Tulip was talking about another teacher's son having his appendix taken out. A student overheard this and said:

7th grade student: Why would you have your appendix taken out?

Mrs. Tulip: Well, it can cause problems with your stomach.

7th Grade Student: Oh, I thought your appendix was your pointer finger.

El Presidente

We were talking about the executive branch when this nugget occurred:

Mr. H: President Obama is our 44th president.

7th Grader: Mr. H, why do we have 50 states, but we've only had 44 presidents?

Mr. H: What? I don't know what you're saying.

7th Grader: I mean, doesn't every state have a president?

Face the Book

This story comes directly from Mr. Poop:

7th Grade Student: Mr. Poop, I took a race test on facebook, and it said I was 40% white and 90% black.
Mr. Poop: That doesn't make sense...that's 130%.
7th Grade Student: I'm putting mixed on all my documents now.
Mr. Poop: Because facebook said so?
7th Grade Student: Yes.

Gotta love that logic.

Chicken Little

I don't know how to explain this...

Today we were discussing the Revolutionary War. I asked my students how a war starts. This was a serious response from one of my students. I don't know where this came from or where he/she heard this.

How do wars start?

7th Grade Student: They drop a chicken in the middle of the sides and whichever side the chick runs to gets the first shot. Then they fight.


Needless to say, this stopped class. I didn't know what to do. I felt really bad for this student.

This Map Needs a Legend

Today, after finishing her work, one of my students decided to look at a large map of Alabama I have in my room. This was her comment:

7th Grade Student: Is this a list of all the presidents?

Mr. H: (Speechless)

Back to the Future IV

This conversation happened in another teacher's classroom today. It is totally bonkers and will put a smile on your face:

7th Grade Student: Mrs. Bail (made up name), will there be a year 2020?

Mrs. Bail: Yes, of course.

7th Grade Student: Will we make it to the year 2019?

Mrs. Bail: Yes.

7th Grade Student: Will we ever have the year 1997 again? It was my birth year and I really enjoyed it!


I would like to point out two things: 1. Really? 2. If she was born in the year 1997, how would she remember that she really enjoyed it?

Carry on.

Citizenship 101

Ok. In class, we've been talking about the concept of citizenship and different types of citizens in the United States. This instance happened today and it was strange because I could see and hear the conversation before it was done...

Mr. H: If you are born in the U. S. or one of its territories, you are a native-born citizen.

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, is Alabama in...

Mr. H sensing the impending question: Wait! Think about what you're about to ask. Make sure that it makes sense.

7th Grade Student: Is Alabama in the United States?

Mr. H: Really?



Another brilliant statement by the future leaders of the world:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, where did the Indians come from?

Another 7th Grade Student: Indiana, duh.

cayete la barka

This post comes from another teacher at my school. It's one of the funniest and shows the insight of the 7th grade mind:

7th grade student: If a dog is born in Mexico, does it bark in Spanish?

First day back...First story of the year

So it's the first day back and the classes were working on a "getting to know you" worksheet. I use this to...get to know the kids. I also have the kids try to guess who said what on the worksheet. One of the questions asked was, if you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why? This is what happened as others attempted to guess who said what...

Mr. H: Who said they would go to Finland to visit their family?

7th Grade Student: I think it was that girl (pointing to a hispanic student).

Mr. H: You really think her family lives in Finland?

7th Grade Student: Well, she does speak Spanish...

I have a feeling this is going to be a good year for the blog.

Career Choice

The year is coming to a close. This may be the last installment of middleschoolmouth for many months. So without further ado:

7th Grade Student: Mr. H, I was wanting to be a parole officer when I grow up, but my mama told me you can't be something that you're going to need.

Too funny...lemme just tell you...

We're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you

A student told me this out of the blue today:

7th grade student: Mr. H, I may break out laughing today during class.

Mr. H: Why?

7th grade student: Because I went to the dentist this morning, and they gave me laughing gas.

Twofer Tuesday

I've got two stories today. Enjoy!

Story One:

Mr. H: President Obama has an African father and a white mother. He's just as much white as he is black.

7th Grade Student: No he's not! He's 50/50!


Story Two:

During 6th period today, I noticed a student slowly taking out his earbuds and put them in his ears. I watched him for a bit, wondering what he was doing since the headphones weren't connected to anything. I saw that he had placed the connection end to his chest. This prompted me to ask the following:

Mr. H: What are you doing?

7th Grade Student: I'm listening to my heart!

Mr. H: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Birthdays

I know this is a little old, but it's still funny. My coworkers decided to play an April Fool's joke on me. They printed off a lot of sheets of paper exclaiming happy birthday to me and posted them all over the school. Also, they put an announcement on the daily announcements wishing me a happy 30th birthday. Well, I'm 26 and my birthday is in August. This confused our students a lot! While I was explaining to my 6th period that this was an April Fool's joke, one of my lovelies said:

7th grade student: Mr. H, do you even have a birthday?

Mr. H: Oh gees.

Mistaken Identity

This needs no intro:

Mr. Harvard: Why do you have glue on your eye?

7th Grade Student (girl): I was thinking about Rupaul.

Mr. Harvard: What? I mean, What?

Alphabet Soup

While discussing the Supreme Court and our Chief Justice, this conversation ensued:

Mr. Harvard: Does anyone remember our Chief Justices' name?

7th Grade Student: John G. Roberts, Jr.

Mr. Harvard: Does anyone know what the "G" stands for?

7th Grade Student: Judge?


As a sidenote, I was also asked if I've ever gotten a lap dance today...

Stingy Much?

Well, this one came out of nowhere...

7th Grade Student: I'm a semi-semitic...I don't hate them, they're just money hoarders...

I had no response for this one.

Trick Question

So, today we were talking about the requirements to be President of the United States. I mentioned that my wife was born on a U. S. Army base in Germany. I also said that her dad was a colonel in the army. This prompted this question from a student:

7th grade student: Mr. H, are you afraid of your wife's husband?

Politics

So, Friday in class we were making foldables...a teaching technique that will be obsolete in a month. Students were writing questions on the outside tab of the foldable and writing the answer underneath the tab. Here's one question and answer I got from a 7th grader:

Question: Who was Ronald Reagan?

Answer: The devil.

Whether you agree with the answer or not, that's funny. I'm just surpised that a: one of my students knew who he was and b: he knew how to form an opinion about Reagan.

Another little tidbit: We weren't even talking about the presidents...we were talking about congress.

Marriage

This needs no introduction:

Q: Why do you think people get married?

A: To get money. You marry someone who will cheat on you and then you divorce them and they have to pay you because they cheated on you. But you don't cheat on them because if you cheat you have to pay them and you'll be poor and have to live in the projects next door to a drug dealer. And then you'll get killed by a drive by trying to hit the drug dealer. And then you're dead.

Wow.

China Revisited

Yet another winner from Mr. Poop. His class was discussing the Great Wall of China:

Q: Why was the Great Wall of China Built?

A: To keep terrorists out of the United States.
To keep the dogs from running away. They eat dogs.
To keep the Martians from invading.
So people would have jobs.
To keep the Mexicans from jumping the boarder.

Chips y Salsa

So, if you didn't know, I coach a high school soccer team. Today, after our game, we visited a local McRestaurant. The workers did a great job of handling 30 high schoolers and had us out in no time. When we were walking out, the manager decided to get a little cocky:

McManager: I cleared all of my tickets.

Coach H: Yeah, you guys are really efficient.

Spanish Soccer Player: Oh yeah, try doing that AND serve chips and salsa.

Coach H: Ole!

Funny Friday

The first story came from a brilliant student in my first period story.

7th Grade Student: My first mind told me when I woke up that I shouldn't come to school today.

An Intrigued Mr. H: What did your second mind say?

7th Grade Student: My second mind told me to get up because my mama is bringing me to school.

Mr. H: And your 3rd mind?

7th Grade Student: I told my 2nd mind to shut up.

Story #2:

As a 7th Grade Student was walking into another teacher's class between classes, she yawned and made a "yawn" sound.

Mr. H: Hey, be quiet! (In a joking manner.)

7th Grade Student: Be quiet Mr. H, I'm yarning.

Mr. H: You're yarning? It's called yawning.

7th Grade Student: Whatever, it's the same thing.

Baby Food

I've got a good one from a different teacher this time...her name will be Mrs. Moneybags. She was in class explaining that one of her daughters is pregnant with twins, and that's where we pick up:

Mrs. Moneybags: My daughter is pregnant with twins.

7th grade student: Does she have to eat baby food to feed the babies?

Mrs. Moneybags: (I'm paraphrasing) hahahahahahahahahaha.

Patience, Daniel Son

I've had a lot of fellow teachers offering stories for the blog...They're all good, but I can only remember a few...Here's another wonderful exchange in Mr. Poop's room:

Mr. Poop: What types of martial arts are practiced in Japan?

7th Grader: karaoke

...genius...

Gender is Key

Alright, so the guest speaker was again in my room on Thursday. She was talking to my kids about the danger of online "friends"...stating that you don't need to talk to anyone you don't know, etc. About this time, one of my 7th graders raised their hand and laid this jewel on us:

7th grade student: My cousin was talking with a 15 year old on-line and drove to Tennessee to meet her. She turned out to be a man.

Alone, this is a funny statement, but if you knew the kid it would be that much better.

based vs. basted

This one came out of nowhere:

7th grade student: Is this video basted on a true story?

Mr. H: Yes?

Tigger vs. Trigger

Ok, so this week both myself and Mr. Poop have a guest speaker in our rooms speaking on how students can properly deal with stress and anger. This happened today in Mr. Poop's room:

Guest Speaker: What is a trigger?

7th grade student: It's like a tiger with a springy tail.

Guest Speaker: Excuse me?

7th grade student: You know, like Pooh Bear.

Guest Speaker: uh, no that's a Tigger.

Mr. Poop Story

Ok, so I was told this one a time ago, but never got around to putting it on the blog:

Mr. Poop: My family is German.
7th Grade Student: Does that mean you're not white?

Synonym vs. Homonym

Well, this little dandy comes straight from my classroom. Today we were talking about the powers given to the different branches of government. Well, when we began talking about creating laws, the following conversation ensued:

Mr. H: When a bill gets to the desk of the President, he can either sign the bill and make it a law or???
7th grade student: repo it!
Other 7th grade student: no, it's retoe it.
Mr. H: Actually, it's veto it...repo is what happens when you don't pay your car payment. retoe...well, no one has ever used that word before; unless your toe fell off and you put it back on. retoe.

You're Welcome.

Geography

This story comes from one of my fellow teachers...his alias will be Mr. Poop.

Mr. Poop's class was talking about Japan in class.

7th grade student: Mr. Poop, where is the Great Wall of China?

The Weatherlady Stories

Ok, so I was told these two stories today by a fellow teacher...we'll call her "weatherlady".

Student walks to teacher's desk: Can I go to the office, I need to talk to the Canadian.
Weatherlady: You need to talk to who?
Student: A Canadian.
Weatherlady: Why do you need to talk to a Canadian?
Student: Because my locker is stuck, and I need them to open it.
Weatherlady: And you need to talk to a Canadian?

...needless to say, the student meant custodian.

This next story might be the best on the sight...as told to me by Weatherlady.

Announcement on the intercom: Students, be sure to bring in supplies for Haiti. We're taking up diapers, etc.
7th grade student: Who is Haiti? and why is she pregnant?

Wow...you just have to laugh.

The Complexities of Marine Life

The very first question I was asked to day by a 7th grade student before 1st period started:

7th Grade Student: MR. H, can fish drown?


...I don't think there's anything else to say.

Existence

While talking with my kids today about George Washington being sworn in as our 1st President, one of my darlings had this gem:

7th grade student: Mr. H, I don't think George Washington existed.
Mr. H: Why?
7th grade student: Well, how do we know he lived. We don't have pictures or anything.
Mr. H: Well, we have signed documents, journals, and numerous paintings of him.
7th grade student: Well, I believe that Abraham Lincoln lived, but not George Washington.

Numbers are Confusing

So, in class today, we talked about influences on the writers of the U. S. Constitution. One influence was the Magna Carta. When I told my students that the Magna Carta was written in 1215, I got the following responses:

7th grade student: Mr. H, I didn't realize there was a year 1215.
Mr. H: What? How do you think we got to the year 2010?
7th grade student: I don't know.

While discussing this in another class, I got this response:

7th grade student: Mr. H, when do the years end?
Mr. H: What?
7th grade student: You know, when will we run out of years?
Mr. H: When the earth stops spinning.
Another 7th grade student: What is the highest number?
Mr. H: There is no highest number. You can always add one to any number.
Another 7th grade student: What about 100 trillion?
Mr. H: 100 trillion and one. You can always add one.
Another 7th grade student: What about
Mr. H: YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD ONE!


We also talked about the United States having a bicameral legislature. I asked the students what the prefix bi- means...I got this response:

7th grade class (almost in unison): bisexual!

I've decided that the 7th grade mind is something that can barely be defined...

Expansion

A few of my fellow teachers have told me stories that they wouldn't mind me adding...stay tuned for a few funny stories from coworkers.

3s and Ms

I feel bad for already going against my title, but this was said by one of my high school soccer players and I thought it was appropriate for your viewing:

I have my practice soccer balls numbered so we don't loose any of them. At the end of every practice, we count the balls and make sure they're all accounted for. Well, on Thursday we couldn't find ball number 3. We looked over the fences and everywhere. We probably spent a good 5 minutes looking for ball number 3 with no luck. Finally, one of my soccer players walked up and said, "Coach, I can't find ball number 3, but I did find one with an 'M' on it."

The soccer team then joined in a group laugh...

Gross

This occurred today. It isn't the first time it's happened, but it's always a huge surprise when a student is so open about their...self.

Student: Mr. Harvard, can I go to the restroom? I'm on my cycle.
Mr. Harvard: Oh, gees. Yes.

A Good Start

Here are a few of my favorites from my first two years of teaching:

Middle School Soccer Player: Coach Harvard, is that a TomTom?
Coach Harvard: Yes
Middle School Soccer Player: My uncle's drug dealer has one of those.
Coach Harvard: That's just great.



Different Middle School Soccer Player: Coach, can we not practice outside today?
Coach Harvard: Why?
Different Middle School Soccer Player: It's cold and I don't want to catch amnesia.
Coach Harvard: You've gotta be kidding me.

Hello.

I've created this blog to display some of the wonderful, and not so wonderful, things that leave the middle school mouth. The English language is brilliant in its complexities and the middle schoolers that I come in contact with, day in and day out, use it in a most hilarious way. I hope you enjoy these posts, and if you would like to contribute...drop me a line.